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Sandy, Texas - He slumps over his desk in the early morning hours, his fingers stretching carefully to create a tiny church. His index fingers extend to form a steeple. Then, with a sigh, he twists his wrist and wiggles his digits to show the people in the congregation. It was a children’s game but it had once meant something to him. There had been a time when he had seen himself as that church, a strong and solid sanctuary for the trust of the his people. He had cared about them, not with that false, smarmy camaraderie that many politicians affect but with genuine attention and concern. He had been the golden boy, the southern wonder, the guy with the newer than new deal, but now... things were different. Those days seemed so long ago. He was the President. Make no mistake, he was still the President..., but even that would soon pass. The political wind was blowing ill. His enemies were relentless. He had made grave errors and now it looked as though they would bring him to his knees. He glances down at the framed photo on his desk. The first lady smiled back at him. A grey cloud flits across his face. His head gives an almost imperceptible nod. He’s tired...so tired. They had been after him so long that he could barely remember the first months of his administration, days of hope and vision. He had been so sure about things then; sure he could make a difference, sure the world was waiting for him to lead the way; sure he could have anything he wanted...and there was the problem. He had gone too far, become too self important...tried to take too much. The muscles in his jaw tensed at this familiar regret. The shame had long since sunk into a hard, sullen knot in his soul. He knew he would never be rid of it.
He was born Sherwin Dornak and with the death of his elderly mother, Delia, was the last living resident of the tiny town of Sandy, Texas. It had been a good life but a lonely one. He ran his little general store, selling soda pop and chips to the occasional hill country tourist and a few staples to the local ranchers. Sandy had been a larger community in the past and its post office had always been situated in the Sandy Store. His mother had been Postmistress before him and he inherited her duties at her death. The town of Sandy received a moderate volume of mail from various business and government entities of the sort that communicate with small towns. Sherwin, on the other hand, had no living relatives and due to his sheltered life in Sandy, few friends. He was desperately lonely. He became depressed and listless. Many a day, as he dragged himself out of bed, he failed to shave or even to change into clean clothing. His life seemed to have no purpose. Then, one day he had an idea. Considering the fact that he was the only remaining resident of Sandy, he realized that nothing was stopping him from becoming the town. As the town, he would receive a steady stream of mail and could busy himself with a whole new world of municipal concerns. As a town, he could fill his inactive hours with a whole new set of challenges. Inflamed with excitement and a new sense of civic purpose, he traveled to the county seat in Johnson City and changed his name to match his town. On that day, he became Sandy, Texas, the one-man town. He immediately set to putting his house in order. He held an election and was elected Mayor of Sandy by the voters of Sandy (himself). Then, as Mayor, appointed himself to the Town Council. By unanimous vote of the Town Council, he was named City Manager, Public Works Director, Police Chief and Animal Control Officer. He retained his position as Postmaster and filed the appropriate documents with the Postal Service to have himself recognized as a municipality. Those had been good times. He took his duties seriously. He studied municipal law and city planning in order to best serve his citizen. He began an urban renewal project and painted the inside of the Sandy Store, now referred to as the “Sandy, Texas Town Hall” by the new Mayor. Realizing that his physical self was now the “body politic,” he bought himself a new suit, trimmed his hair and mustache and began to bathe regularly. He felt it was the least he could do to promote the public health and well-being. Public opinion polls taken at this time showed that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office. Sandy soon saw the need to form a Chamber of Commerce, was elected its President, and began to study ways that he might promote his community. With a sophistication that was surprising in one so new to economic development, Sandy realized that the most unique aspect of his community was its size. As far as he could ascertain, he was the only one-man town in Texas, perhaps in all of America. As he began to promote his community’s unique municipal diminuitiveness, he discovered that other communities in Texas were also making public relations hay off their small size. In particular a small community in Fayette County named Round Top had for many years claimed to be the “smallest incorporated town in Texas.” Although Sandy had not incorporated himself, he still felt that this usurping community’s claim was an affront to his civic honor. In the summer of 1996, he was interviewed by the Round Top Register and disputed the claims of the upstart town of 81. Over the next year, a rancorous competition between the two communities preoccupied his attention. In the process of this battle over Texas’ prestigious smallness title, Sandy met a woman from another contender for the smallness crown, a woman named Miss Imogene Fuller Impact. Impact, Texas, with a population of 25, was listed by the 1990 census as the true “smallest incorporated town in Texas.” Miss Impact was so imbued with civic pride about her community, that she, much like Sandy, had changed her last name to that of her town. She and Sandy joined forces to contradict the Round Top public relations juggernaut. In the process, they became emotionally involved. In early 1997, Sandy annexed her and her son by a previous marriage, Bubba Jr. Imogene and Bubba Jr. moved to Sandy, Texas, tripling the town’s population. For the first time in years, Sandy was content.
Sandy saw himself as a patriotic American, loyal to the constitution and particularly to the State of Texas in which he took great pride. Despite his anger at having been disenfranchised by the U. S. Postal Service, he was disinclined to take actions that could be characterized as disloyal or rebellious. However, there was a growing concern among his citizenry about the failure of the federal government to recognize Sandy’s duly elected administration. Imogene and Bubba Jr. felt that Sandy, Texas was not being given proper respect. After much debate, it was decided that Sandy, Texas would secede from the United States of America. Public opinion polls showed at this time that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office. Sandy seceded with a heavy heart. He had a great love for his native country but felt obligated to follow the will of the people, especially the 33% of his population that shared his bed. As the newly elected President of Sandy, Texas, he faced the reality that his armed forces, composed solely of himself and his 20 gauge shotgun, would not be able to hold off a determined attack by the forces of the United States. However, by this point, Sandy had become somewhat sophisticated in affairs of state. He remembered the Marshall Plan and reasoned that if the United States attacked and was able to conquer his new nation, it was likely that federal funds would be available for reconstruction. Given the meager state of Sandy’s treasury, this prospect held some promise. Surprisingly, the United States failed to notice the secession of the new state. Even when Sandy, Texas raised its new flag and, during a demonstration in front of the Sandy Store, burned a straw dummy of Uncle Sam in effigy, federal troops still failed to arrive. The only result of the demonstration was a small grass fire that required the attention of the Sandy, Texas Fire Department and its fire chief, Sandy, Texas. The media also stonewalled the secession despite its global implications, a fact that enraged all three of Sandy, Texas’ citizens. Undaunted, Sandy, Imogene and Bubba Jr. began a whirlwind global tour of the world’s states, seeking trade and recognition as a member of the new world order. They jumped in Sandy’s pick-up and drove towards Mexico City on the first leg of their Central and South American tour but just outside Laredo, the truck developed mechanical problems. Subsequent repairs brought the goodwill tour to an early halt because of problems with deficit spending. The Sandy, Texas national Visa card was discovered to have gone over its constitutional limits. Sandy, Texas was required to convene a special session of the Sandy, Texas Congress in order to allocate emergency funds from Imogene’s savings account. Sandy, Texas, preoccupied with efforts to establish a space program for Sandy, Texas, pumped large amounts of capital into gun powder, bottle rockets and weather balloons. However, it was the national debt rather than the space program that skyrocketed. Deficit spending and the failure of other nations to accept Sandy, Texas’ currency soon threatened to unhinge the tiny country’s experiment in self rule. Sandy became distraught at the prospect of taking a second mortgage on the Sandy Store in order to cover his government’s fiscal shortfall. He was unable to reach a budget compromise with the Congress and tensions in the nation’s capitol were having an “impact” on his sex life. It was during this tense period that the story broke about Willow City. Willow City was a fetching little hamlet not far down a farm to market road from Sandy. To some, Willow City might have been only a few buildings in the middle of the rocky hill country, but Sandy, Texas had always thought her beautiful. Being close in geography, the two often had dealings and shared many common concerns such as water rights, highway maintenance and environmental protection. For a while, no one knew the extent to which their relationship had grown. Then, on February 17, 1998 the Round Top Register reported that sources close to the President had leaked information alleging that President Sandy, Texas and Willow City had dissolved their urban boundaries and were co-mingling their municipal assets, and suggesting that the two tiny towns were on the road to becoming twin cities. Imogene was enraged at the idea that Sandy might have merged with another town behind her back but she proved to be a dignified first lady, loyal to Sandy despite his alleged civic picadillos. As his wife, she was quick to forgive him, but as Speaker of the House, she felt it was her responsibility to look into the matter. Under her leadership, Congress appointed Bubba, Jr. as a special investigator and an inquiry was begun. All of President Sandy, Texas actions were then placed under intense scrutiny. Public opinion polls taken at this time showed that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office. It had been less than two years since the news about Willow City had broken but it seemed a lifetime. Sandy, Texas leaned back in his Presidential recliner and took a sip from his bottle of Shiner. How could he have done it? What was he thinking? Those questions had gone round and round in his mind since the first day that cursed scandal sheet in Round Top had gone prying into his personal business. He knew he had been wrong. He knew he owed Imogene more loyalty than he had given her. He looked down again at her picture on his desk. His eyes clouded in pain once more. He had tried to apologize and make things right. He had held a press conference and acknowledged his failings before the people of Sandy, Texas. He had admitted the fact that he had “behaved in an inappropriate manner” and that he had failed his family and his countrymen (pretty much the same group). It seemed to calm the public (Bubba, Jr.) but had done little to calm Imogene.
Over the last year, he had been constantly hounded by the press. He had almost been interviewed twice. It was a nightmare. He hated the press. They were like jackels, his enemies, yapping at his heels until they rode him to the groound. He did not know how much these enemies would hurt him until later. Four counties away, events were unfolding that would later be referred to as Registergate. It began when the following e-mail came to the offices of the Round Top Register:
The editor of the Register sent back the following response...
This new glut of media attention came at exactly the wrong time. Bubba, Jr. was grinding away at the Presidency, criticizing Sandy’s laxity with household chores and asking embarrassing questions about his infrastructure and extraterritorial limits. The special investigator subpoenaed Sandy’s checkbook and submitted reports to Congress on his beer consumption and his alleged unwillingness to do routine maintenance around the Sandy Store. Then, the special investigator began to ask leading questions about Sandy’s familiarity with Willow City’s plumbing. At this point, Sandy reached his city limits. While under oath, he panicked and denied any municipal relationship with Willow City. He claimed that he had never been connected to her in any way. However, under rigorous questioning by the special investigator, Willow City admitted that she and Sandy, Texas had shared infrastructure on more than one occasion. In fact, it was discovered that the two had jointly drilled a big, gushing water well and commonly placed culverts in each other’s bar ditches. In further testimony, she testified that, though Sandy had never offered her any position in his government, he had often filled her pot holes. In addition, she stipulated that she had repeatedly used his post hole digger while he watched. It was a sad, sordid display of tiny town municipal collusion. The public reeled as disclosure after disclosure exposed foul details of the clandestine hanky-panky between the President and Willow City. The special investigator confiscated the skirt of a street in Willow City as evidence, alleging that it was splattered with Sandy, Texas asphalt. However, public opinion polls taken at this time showed that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office. Congress became increasingly strident as the investigation progressed. Imogene was fit to be tied. In September of 1998, Imogene had her judicial committee open hearings to determine if Sandy, Texas should be impeached. She and Bubba, Jr., controlling Congress and holding a 2/3 majority of the electoral vote in Sandy, Texas, seemed poised to bring down the President. However, as the hearings continued, it became clear to Bubba Jr. and Imogene that they were confronted by a serious political problem.The American public did not share their outrage at Sandy’s actions. This might seem like a small issue given that Sandy, Texas was an independent sovereign nation but the truth was that their economy was inextricably linked to that of the United States. The Sandy Store’s grocery suppliers came from Austin and Sandy’s citizens had to go to Johnson City to get gasoline. Almost all of Sandy, Texas’ tourism dollars came from Americans. The leaders of the Sandy, Texas Congress found themselves in a similar situation to that of many developing nations. They had political but not financial independence from the dominating American economic juggernaut. Therefore it was decided that an official scientific poll would be taken to discover why the American public still gave Sandy, Texas high approval ratings despite his immoral and illegal behavior. The results are printed below: Do you approve of Sandy, Texas’ performance as the President of Sandy, Texas?
Approve - 68% Do you think your life is better than when Sandy, Texas took office?
Better - 59%
Yes - 29% If you believe he is guilty of these actions, should he be impeached?
No - 51%
No - 73% What the hell is the matter with you? If the guy is too much of a dirt bag to have in your house, why do you still approve of him as the President?
Don’t Know - 47%
Yes - 37%
Sandy was relieved when he heard the news. His term as President had been a nightmare from start to finish. He was glad it was over. Besides, he still had a 33% chance of being re-elected. Public opinion polls taken at this time showed that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office.
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His thoughts wandered back through time, the years regressing in his mind’s eye to a simpler time only three years before. So much had changed.
Then, unexpectedly, the United States Postal Service decided to close the Sandy, Texas post office. Sandy was enraged but his protests were lost in the bureaucratic morass of the giant entity’s upper echelons. This was the first step of Sandy, Texas’ disaffection with the government of the United States. 
In order to create an effective separation between the executive and legislative branches of government, Imogene and Bubba, Jr. had been elected to Congress. Imogene had been chosen Speaker of the Sandy, Texas House of Representatives and by virtue of her position as Bubba Jr.’s mother, strongly influenced the other half of the congressional vote. The new Congress was not pleased with what Imogene called the administration’s “tax and spend” attitude. Given her powerful political position, her concerns had to be taken seriously. For the first time, President Sandy, Texas was faced with an opposition party. 
Public opinion polls taken at this time showed that the American people were happy with Sandy, Texas’ performance and considered themselves to be “better off” since he had come into office.
On December 1, 1998 the Sandy, Texas House of Representatives voted to Impeach President Sandy, Texas on the grounds that he was guilty of “...high crimes and misdemeanors” against the state of Sandy, Texas. A final vote by the Senate, also controlled by Imogene and Bubba Jr., would not be taken until January 1, 1999 because Congress felt that otherwise the action might ruin Sandy’s Christmas celebration.