"LITTLE MISS OIL WELL" BEAUTY CONTEST WINNER ANNOUNCED
Giddings - All the contestants were in a tizzy. The judges final drive by was scheduled to happen at any moment and the "Little Miss Oil Well" beauty contestants were as nervous as chain-smokers at a salt dome.
The preliminary judging was complete and several honors had already been awarded. A cute little number named Cheapskate Oil # 6 of Oldenberg was named "Miss Congenial". Always putting herself forward, her town was never the same after her arrival. She wore a striking gravel skirt and an aluminum paint frock over a fetching steel superstructure.
The Talent Competition went to Gas Pumping Station # 224. Her rendition of Verdi’s Clamorous Roar in C minor had everyone holding their ears for miles around. Quite a set of compressors on that young lady!
But now, the final judging is about to begin. Judges from major oil companies and the Railroading Commission were driving all over the county, rutting roads and spilling salt water as they went, trying to decide which of the young hopefuls would have the honor of being crowned "Little Miss Oil Well."
The judges have to rate each contestant from one to ten in four categories... 1. Presence: (Closeness to road, interruption of view, obviousness) 2. Talent: (Height of flare, volume, smell) 3. Popularity: (Number of massive trucks visiting) and 4. Self Expression: (Environmental impact, destruction of beauty of town, city or farm).
Unlike many beauty contests where silly rules keep contestants from improving their chances with cash awards to the judges, the "Little Miss Oil Well Contest" has long been a source of income for interested state officials, particularly those on the Railroading Commission.
In this way, underprivileged state officials are given a chance to better themselves by owning large ranches, trucking companies and exotic foreign cars that would otherwise be beyond their reach.
The tension mounts as the judges announce their selection. "Philbits Petroleum Rig # 16" of La Grange is named first runner up... and as a scream goes up from the crowd, the winner of the 1995 "Little Miss Oil Well" Contest is announced... "Klingon Rig # 23 of Hostein."
Lubricating tears of crude and salt water come to her eyes and turn instantly to rust as she clanks and bangs with excitement. The huge crane swings the crown over the heads of the crowd and slams the 4,000 pound cast iron honor onto her rig with a minimum of denting. All the other rigs flock to congratulate her. There is hardly a dry hole in the house.
After #23 (as her friends call her) completes her reign as "Little Miss Oil Well", she will be given a chance along with rigs from all over Texas to compete in the "Little Miss Oil Refinery" contest where she might get a chance to spread the rainbow colored sheen of her fame through bays and bird sanctuaries throughout the state. Good Luck Little Miss Oil Well! Do us proud!
Return to the Round Top Register